Family, Nail Polish, and Total Humiliation

It’s been a busy week in my tangled life. So I’ll offer you my latest episode for your enjoyment and laughter. Although for once, this one is entirely my fault, so I hope you enjoy it.

The Back Story

You must understand that, above all else, my family LOVES to play practical jokes, especially my dad. Years ago, when I was a fabulous 80’s teenager, I played one on dad. He liked to relax in the evenings in his recliner. Dad would take off his socks and shoes, kick back, and watch football or any other sport playing. And often he would get drowsy and then the snoring would start. So one day I bounded into the family room, saw sleeping dad, and the light bulb went off. I retrieved my favorite bright strawberry pink nail polish and painted his toe nails while he slept. Yes, I’m evil. Even better was he went to the doctor for an ingrown toe nail about two days later  and had to explain the pink nails to the doctor. Devil

Present Day

Now its <cough, cough> years later, and dad is older. He had a major surgery on his ankle last week, and is now in a rehabilitation center. The ankle has been neatly casted, with the toes hanging out. When dad’s not in physical therapy, the leg is propped up and he’s sleeping a lot from the medicines.

Enter the Silver Nail Polish

So, one night this week  I had to do a grocery run after a very long day. I was exhausted, and events will show I was probably way too tired to be at the store. As I was pushing the cart through the store, I passed the artfully arranged makeup display, with gleaming racks of rainbow nail polish. Again, the light bulb went off. So I push the cart over, and start perusing the racks of candy colors. I’m debating between emerald glitter and shining silver when I start running through my head how to pull this off. I’ll put it in my purse. What if he’s released before I can do this? He’ll still have the cast at home.

Another customer brushed by me and I thought “I’ll figure something out later” and went to complete the shopping. Groceries are bought, taken home and put away, and I go find my bed.

So the next morning I open my purse at work to put my car keys in it, and find a gleaming bottle of shiny silver nail polish.

Which I had not seen since the makeup rack at the store when I was debating how to get dad’s toe nails painted. Surprised smile

To my utter horror, I had inadvertently SHOPLIFTED the polish. SHOPLIFTED. AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Apparently in my mental run-through of how to prank dad, I had actually placed the nail polish in my purse. (My family also talks with our hands. A lot. Even when we’re talking to ourselves.) My mother will be appalled, although possible not as much as I am. Total mental panic ensues, as I realize what I’m going to have to do. And praying the “Shoplifters Will Be Prosecuted” signs are not a set in concrete policy.

The Humiliation

Since I am a product of my mother’s raising, I had to suck it up  and go  apologize to the store manager and explain why I’d completely lost my mind the previous night.I don’t know whether he thought my story was stranger (painting my dad’s toe nails) or my actually returning the unpaid for goods. He actually thanked me for bringing it back.

Hopefully my temporary insanity at least gave him a laugh.

Lesson Learned

If I must shop when I’m completely exhausted, stick to the list and ignore any bright ideas at all costs.

P.S. My dad also remembers my high school prank. When I visited the next evening, without me telling him of my idiocy, he requested I paint his toe nails. He thinks it’s a great joke! And he’s obviously feeling better. I will buy my nail polish elsewhere though. I can’t face the manager again, at least not with makeup in my hands.


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